Posted on November 15 2011

an open letter to my KitchenAid Stand Mixer

Dear KitchenAid Stand Mixer,

We need to talk.  You should probably sit down for this.  Oh, you can’t sit down because you’re an inanimate object?  That’s fine.  Just unlock your your that thing on your neck, unplug yourself, and relax. 

Don’t worry, you’re not losing your job.  You’re actually really good at what you do.  You save me from exerting the strength it takes to whisk, mix, and beat things.  You should be happy you’re getting so much use these days.  I know you really hate when we talk about those dark days when you just sat on the shelf collecting dust and spiders, but I think it’s important we acknowledge how far you’ve come. 

I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit, and I should apologize for stealing all the credit for the amazing things you do.  But I’d look like a weirdo if I mentioned “and this wouldn’t be possible were it not for my mixer” after telling people about what I’m making.  And, truth be told, I could do it without you.  I just choose not to.  Was that too harsh?

I do like your Empire Red exterior, I do.  I really do, or I wouldn’t have picked that color in the first place.  It’s just that I keep seeing that other colors – your Pristine White and Chrome counterparts are so tempting.  They’re just so much bigger and more powerful – you’re just a little Artisan with a 4 qt. bowl.  You’re not a Professional or Commercial mixer, and I’m sorry I talk about wanting those in front of you.  That’s rude.  I know that.  It’s just that sometimes I get sick of hearing about how you can totally handle the tough jobs.  I hate how you hate working with dough.  You smell like burning and you wiggle your way out of the locked position.  Can you blame me for wanting to upgrade?

I know I always talk about getting stuff like the ice cream maker, citrus juicer, or that pasta attachment thing for you.  Believe me, it’s not just a pipe dream, I really want you to have nice things.  Christmas is right around the corner, and you’ve been pretty good this year – maybe Santa will have something for you.  That’s how it works, it’s out of my hands at this point.     

Basically, you should just know you’re doing a good job.  You put on the whisk and whip up softly whipped cream like you’re some sort of wizard.  I don’t know how people get by without one of you in their kitchens.  People step into my kitchen, they see you, and they know I mean business in the kitchen.  I love that.  We’re a team – in this for life! (or until I upgrade to that Professional or Commercial Mixer)

All my love,

Emily 

You working some brownie batter like it’s your job.  Yeah, it’s your job.

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